Sunday, November 25, 2012


I write a lot more then I read. When it was suggested by a woman I read the book “Fifty Shades of Grey” I didn't think that much about it. Sure, I heard it was a big craze and all but, I don’t like to be like everyone else.

Most of the books I have read in the past were Jackie Collins. I like that kind of read. I always have. Fantasy world of the rich, glamorous, and sexy.

So, instead of buying my usually monthly magazine for my plane trip back to LA from NYC, I grabbed a copy of “Fifty Shades of Grey”.  I started reading the book as soon as I got into my seat on the plane and did not stop till I was landing in LA.

It was an exciting and sexy book. It actually introduced me; of all people, into a world I have never been to. I always thought it was weak and boring for me to be a submissive woman in my personal life.

In my professional life as a 20 veteran of the adult entertainment industry I am dominate. I have taken care of myself for 20 years; fought all my own battles, although there were very few.

When the day was over and I was lying in my bed, I was submissive, I like a man to be a man. I like him to take over. Make the decisions and even tell me what to wear. If it turns him on it does even more for me. I am not talking abuse, just dominates. I did not fully understand the dominate role of the man until I started reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

This Grey character seemed to line up everything properly and to just about any woman’s liking. He was beautiful, successful, fit and ultra-rich. Isn't that what we as woman all secretly dream of in a man? Lavishing us with everything our heart desires. In this life you take the good with the bad, don’t you?

Putting myself in Miss Steel’s character, I was able to handle what he was offering. Again, I am submissive, the treatment he gave her was all right in my book.  Just follow the rules. I am very good at following the rules.

It was a very well written book, with a great attention to detail.  It took me right to the place the author was describing. Maybe that is why it took me so long to get through it. Every time they had a sexual encounter, which was a lot, I had to put the book down and recovered from it as if I had just been through it physically as well.

Well, this morning I finished it. It sort of left me dry. Which is strange since I was wet for most of the time I was reading the book? I understand it is a trilogy and to get the full story I will have to read the other two? 

Mr. Grey put everything on paper and he lived up to everything he said he would. There were no surprises and his communication with Ana was very open and honest. This to me is a great agreement. No surprises, no lies, no bullshit. It is what it is, either like it or leave. Completely harassment free in my eyes.

Simple to me, yet I am submissive and that is what I want in a relationship. Open honest communication. I would have accepted the terms of the contract and made sure not to roll my eyes unless I was feeling very naughty!

Thursday, October 18, 2012


Today I got a call from a friend I had not heard from in some time. He told me he came out of the closet. I never knew! He always surrounded himself with girls. He said he had those girls around to hide it, so everyone wouldn't find out he was gay. He also used drugs and alcohol to deal with it. He is clean and sober now. I am super proud of him!

This call was very shocking to me. Here was a guy that was always around girls.  He talked like he was getting laid whenever he wanted to. I do remember some of the girls he “dated” telling me he stopped seeing them when they felt things were going great. Overnight he went from loving them to disappearing on them. Now I look back and understand he was getting too close to them and his secret would come out.

I was like that when I was younger. I didn't want guys to get too close to me either or they would find out the real me. I thought I was a terrible person. This thought process came from low self-esteem and bad parenting. I didn't have my own identity, so I created lies to make myself look good. To be someone I thought I needed to be for everyone else to like and accept me. That is all behind me now, I have great self-esteem and I know who I am.  

Back to my friend, he has spent a good portion of his time on earth living a lie. As time made it harder to deal with it he turned to drugs and alcohol. He told me he could only have sex with a woman if he was high or drunk. That was scary to me since I had been with a couple guys that were the same way.

He was honest enough to tell me he has been with transsexuals a few times. He spent large amounts of money and time on gay webcamming sites.  He even got married some years back and had a child. That ended for the same reason all his other relationships did, fear of being found out.

After his divorce he started to get deep into drugs and alcohol and got a few DUI’s. In fact he could have been sent to jail for one of them. He tried a few times to stop drinking and doing drugs, but he couldn't face himself sober.

What stopped him from living such a painful life was a woman. He didn't have any sexual relationship with her. She just happens to be someone that saw through him and accepted him for who he was. Funny, that a woman saved his life.

It amazes me that someone would get to the point of almost spending time in prison just so no one would find out they were gay. In the case of my friend, no one would have cared. He would have lived a much happier life and lose so many good friends that cared about him, because of his lies.

Makes me wonder how many people came into my life that hurt me because they were hiding lies. Oh, and the people I hurt by trying to hide my lies.  For my friend and me life is so much better living it without lies.

Not everyone is going to like you. I know for a fact when you lie you bring lying people around you. Be honest, honest people around you. Be proud and accept who and what you are. If you don’t the only life you are ruining is your own. 

Friday, October 12, 2012

You may want to know who I am.

Rebecca Bardoux is a 20-year veteran of the adult film industry. She first stepped in front of the cameras in 1992, during the last of the ‘golden years’ of porn, and has appeared in 200 adult feature movies. Considered a legend by her peers and fans, she was inducted in to the AVN Hall of Fame in 2007. 

During her career, Rebecca has worked with the top directors and studios of the adult industry. She has been nominated repeatedly for her work, and has held prominent roles in many award-winning movies.
Just three months into her career, Rebecca was requested to shoot for the Italian Adult Cinema in Sicily, and shot two award-winning movies for that industry. Rebecca also co-starred in the AVN Best Film for 1992 “Face Dance”, directed by one of the pioneers of the industry, John Stagliano. She later went on to be nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Film for her performance in 2003‘s “Heartbreaker” for Vivid Entertainment, directed by the multiple award-winning director, Paul Thomas.

Miss Bardoux also made a strong name for herself in the feature dance circuit during the mid to late ‘90s. She was considered to be one of the top feature performers, and performed to packed gentlemen’s clubs throughout the world. 

After a four-year hiatus from the industry to focus on a relationship, and to live and work in the ‘civilian’ world, Bardoux realized that erotic entertainment was her only love. Rebecca made her comeback in 2009 in a scene directed by and opposite Mo for Madness Pictures, distributed through Adam and Eve. Rebecca also shot a comeback scene for Naughty America, and she is honored with being one of the original MILFs in adults’ very popular genre.

Currently, Rebecca hosts a radio show every Friday night from 7pm to 9 pm EST on XXX Pornstar Radio, broadcast through She also pens a spontaneous blog:, and is a regular columnist on Bardoux is a strong advocate for the adult industry and just finished shooting a public service announcement in support of No on Measure B, the industry-killing ballot initiative in Los Angeles County.

Rebecca is currently working on her biography. She will be appearing in the mainstream play ”Deep Throat the Sex Scandal” opening January 17, 2013 in Los Angles, CA.
You can stay in touch with Rebecca by following her on twitter and subscribing to her page on Facebook at

Sunday, October 7, 2012


To Say or Not To Say?
That is the Question!

There is not a day that goes by I  don’t read a tweet on Twitter or posting on Facebook that somebody is saying somebody did them wrong.  They talk about what a terrible person that person is.

So, why is it the scorned person never mentions the bad person’s name. (If someone you know beat you up or stole from you, wouldn't you tell the police their name.) Yet in this instant they tell everyone what a bad person he or she is. They beat you, took money from you or used you. Others say this person ripped them off business wise, and no one should deal with them. Not saying their name.

Well, if they are that bad how am I going to protect myself from them if I don’t know who they are? First off maybe I know this person and will go to them directly and find out what’s going on. If I don’t know them and meet them I will be much more caution now. I now have information about their character, whether it’s true or not. Not to say I will not do business with them, but I will proceed with caution.

I think it was a few years back; there was a website that went up where woman could name men that had done them wrong. If the man was married or he financially took advantage of them. I guess that site is just a list of all the sociopaths woman come across. It didn't work because some women have their own issues. They were racking a guy over the coals that had done nothing to them. They just ended the relationship.

In an industry like adult, there are people that are here for themselves. Let’s face it we are a taboo industry and attract the dark light. I think in some cases it’s the last place a lot of people can go.  They have burned every bridge everywhere else in their lives. As Amber Lynn said, “We are all just a box of broken toys”

The adult industry does not do a background check on you before you can be hired to work in it.  There are people with a shady past that come in this business.
Some of them succeed, maybe because they have finally found the place they belong. 
I myself struggled with jobs and life in general before getting into this industry. When I started working in adult entertainment I realized this is what I was meant to do.  I don’t have a shady past. The worst thing I ever did in my eyes was steal marijuana from my ex-boyfriend’s house for my new boyfriend.  Before I got in to porn.  

How do we deal with this? Bad personal relationships happen; somebody is bound to get hurt when another person doesn't want them around anymore. So, unless this person stole money from you, beat you badly or stole your identity, crack it up to love gone bad.

What about the business end of it? I run my own business, the business of me. I deal with a lot of different people coming to me with deals and I also go to other people.   I want to believe when it comes to business everyone will be upfront and honest. As we all know that is not the case.

To drag my ego into this for a minute, it amazes me that people in this industry would try to rip me off. I have 20 years in this business and know just about everyone that is anyone in this business. You can say I am part of the foundation of this industry, along with many other people that worked hard for many years to build this industry.

 If I was a newbie coming in I would be smart enough not to screw over a veteran.  If anything I would grab on to them and never let go. I know a few people that are very successful in this industry because they did just that. Now they are one of the people the newbies grab onto.  See how that works!

I think you are getting my point. When is it OK to out someone that did you wrong? Someone that affected your money, your life. Taking the high road can’t always be the way. You keep carrying that injustice that was done to you, it has to affect you on some level. 

Isn't it just better to put it out there in the public and let the other person stand up for themselves?  Hey, if someone was saying stuff about me I would much rather have the opportunity to stand up for myself, then have people not sure of what to think of me.

You can’t come out and bash the person, but you can tell your side of the story, and hope that person comes out and tells theirs.  They may just change their ways, knowing that if they continue to do this people are going to say something.

So, when you tell your side of the story what does that make you? Will people say good for you, standing up for yourself or that you are bitter and who cares.  I guess it’s the way you do it that will determine how people feel about you?  I guess there’s only one way to find out, just do it?

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Tera Patrick on XXX Porn Star Radio

September 27, 2012

Superstar Tera Patrick will be a guest on XXX Porn Star Radio

Friday, September 28, 2012  @ 8pm est

Tera Patrick is one of the most recognized faces in the history of adult entertainment. She has successfully merged into mainstream and pop culture becoming a worldwide business woman and brand. Tera is the ONLY woman ever to be featured on BOTH covers of Playboy and Penthouse magazine simultaneously and she was crowned Penthouse pet of the year runner-up in February 2002. Her first memoir Sinner Takes All is an intimate peek into her early life, and life on the road where she successfully traveled to over 80 countries feature dancing, filming, and touring.

Listen to XXX Porn Star Radio with host Rebecca Bardoux as she talks to Superstar Tera Patrick this Friday on Blog Talk These two ladies met for the first time before Tera Patrick had even entered the adult business.  Hear that story and more from Tera. The sexiest woman to ever grace the adult industry and beyond. Sure to be a very intimate interview between two longtime friends, don’t miss it.

Tune into XXX Porn Star Radio with host Rebecca Bardoux, this and every Friday from 7pm to 9 pm EST. Rebecca is a legend in the adult industry as well as being in the AVN Hall of Fame. After just one show Bardoux has received great reviews. Soon to be one of the top adult radio shows on the web.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

AHF Press Conference: My chat with Hayden Winters

Former Adult Film Industry Performer Hayden Winters

On September 17, 2012, I attended AIDS Healthcare Foundation’s “Yes on Measure B” press conference. After the conference, I approached one of the speakers, Hayden Winters, and asked if I could speak with her for a few minutes.

My first question for this former adult performer who is now supporting and representing AHF was, why did you want to get into the adult industry?  She told me it was because she needed a job.  Then I asked her why she just didn’t get a job at McDonalds or somewhere else.? She said she heard you could make a lot of money doing porn.

Hayden Winters was eighteen years old when she went to OC Modeling in June 2010 to talk to an agent about being a porn star. She said the agent and her friends persuaded her to do it. The agent told her how beautiful she was and what a great body she had. She had a good look for it.  The agent said she had the potential to be a big star.

She blamed the agent for getting her in it. “He lied to me and told me I would make tons of money and go to red carpet events.” At that point I asked her if she had ever gone to see an agent in the mainstream industry, she said no. What I explained to her was that agent would say the same thing as well. They make money when you get bookings. I also said that even the guy she goes on a date with will tell her how beautiful she is, just to get in her pants.

It is you that makes the final decision. You are the only one that decides whether you will start doing porn. Allowing the agent and her friends to persuade her was her choice. “Don’t blame anyone else, it was your choice.” She agreed with me. She told me she did not make the kind of money she was told she could, and that she did not become a star, in the one year she was in it.

I asked her how it could be so easy for her to say ok, to getting naked and having sex on camera. She didn’t really think about that part she was thinking about the money and fame!
She didn’t think about the fact that she would be splashed all over the internet for the rest of her life, whether she was still in porn or not. All she was thinking about is how much money she could make for doing very minimal work. Dressing up in sexy clothing and having her picture taken at the awards shows and other events.

Hayden Winters may have sat around one night with her friends as they tried to figure out how to make a lot of money fast with minimal effort. Where porn came up in the conversation I don’t know. I couldn’t understand how it was so easy for her to make that decision. She was eighteen years old needed to make money and never thought past that night. She and her friends had created delusions in their heads, I bet they could not even see pass the money, to realize they were going to be having sex on film for the world to see. She wanted to go from a to z, without realizing there where letters in between. She was making a life changing decision and didn’t even realize it.

Hayden agreed and became accountable for her action during our conversation. The last thing she said to me before she was pulled away was. “I would probably start doing porn again. Everyone was nice to me.”
All this happen just 5 minutes after she got up and spoke, telling everyone that the porn industry was not safe. She stated the pay check wasn’t worth the risk.

Hayden Winters did not contract HIV or any other STD, so why would she be standing up for “Yes on Measure B”? Derrick Burts is a friend of hers. He was one of the friends with whom she went to that agency in 2010. She said she was persuaded to get in the industry for the money; maybe she was persuaded into this for money.

I talked to Hayden one more time before she left the conference. I also took a picture with her. She was very nice and respectful to me. I got the impression if I asked her to shoot for me she would. Like she was waiting for the next best thing.
The adult film industry did not persuade this girl to shoot porn. The adult film industry did not exploit her. Hayden walked in that agent’s office on her own free will. When things did not work out the way she wanted it to be, she got upset.

Young women like this give the industry a bad rap. They say that porn ruined their life. They didn’t get what they wanted, so they blame the industry. They should only blame themselves. Just because it’s porn you still have to work at it; it’s a business like any other.

Michael Weinstein stood up and told the press that porn exploits people. I think he is exploiting Hayden Winters. I believe this whole situation is not about protecting adult film performers, it’s about money.  When laws and ballot initiatives are about money, it is always the taxpayers that pay in the end.

I looked for Hayden Winters on twitter -- she was there, even has a wish list. 

Monday, September 17, 2012

"Yes on B" Condoms in Porn Press Conference.

I attended the press conference to launch the campaign “ Yes on B” Condoms in Porn.  What a huge waste of money. If that many people vote yes in November the industry will be just fine. It was held at the Sheraton Universal Hotel. As the documentation reads.  “The Starview Room offers floor –to-ceiling views of the San Fernando Valley, home to Californian’s adult entertainment industry; the room also provides a bird’s eye of Vivid Entertainment on of the largest porn producers and an outspoken opponent of condoms in films.”

This was my first time attending anything like this during my twenty years in the adult industry. I am ashamed to admit that. All the information about the ordinance I had up until today I got from Twitter and people within the industry. Well, today I learned a lot more, and not just about condoms in porn.

Let me start with the ordinance. “County of Los Angeles Safer Sex in the Adult Film Industry.” Michael Weinstein is doing this to protect the performers in the adult industry. After the conference I personally asked him why he was doing this and he said, “Because it needs to be done” He also said that the adult film industry is sending the wrong message to the world. He told me the message was “You can’t have hot sex with a condom.” I told Weinstein that I have been in the industry for 20 years and I never heard that message. I asked him if he could direct me to where he saw that message, he could not.

From the questions I asked Weinstein this is the information I got. He has no knowledge of the porn industry, however is concerned about the safety of the performers. They deserve to be protected just like any other industry. During the press conference we were informed my Weinstein that there would be nine billboards going up and commercial spots. What that means, everyone is going to have to start explaining the porn industry and condoms to their young children. We know they are a curious little bunch. I guess that will be the big topic on the school playground. Poor SpongeBob Square Pants, beaten out by the adult film industry and condoms. Weinstein has concern for the performers in the adult film industry, but not six year children. At less that is the way I see it.  

Getting back to my conversation with him. I drew his attention to how much money was being spent on this campaign, when the money could be used for research, education and treatment of the disease. In the press conference he seemed to have blamed the adult industry for one of the reason so much money is spent on care and treatment. The adult film industry infests them and then AHF has to use their money to help the performer after he is cast out of the industry with nowhere to go. It’s ok to be a crack whore on the street doing illegal drugs and soliciting for sex to get treatment?  Quite frankly, how does anyone even know if these infected former performers got the disease on the set? On the documentation that was given to everyone at the press conference, this is how the performers are described. “Former adult performer who became HIV-infected while working in the industry.” They were working in the adult industry yes, but is it proven they got it on a set?

Are these former performers being paid for their involvement in this campaign? There has to be some compensation. Two  of the performers I spoke with told me that one of the motivators for getting in the industry was money.  When I asked one of the former performers if he used condoms in his personal life he said, “No, not all the time. In fact during my conversation with him, he made it clear he wanted to be able to make a lot of money, in a very short time. So, he had the freedom to do what he wanted whenever he wanted. If you can have sex for money on film, bet it would be pretty easy to do the same thing without the camera, too.  At twenty two years old, he felt he was entitled to that? Oh, yes the entitlement generation.  That topic is for another time.

So, after not getting any clear answers from Weinstein he shook my hand and agreed to disagree, I strongly agreed.  Now this is what is bothering me about this whole condom thing. It’s all about protecting the performers in the industry. On the ordinance it says, “The purpose of the measure is intended to minimize the spread of sexually transmitted infections by regulating the adult film industry.” It does not say within the industry or anything about performers.

I’m thinking this has nothing to do with the adult industry, and a lot to do with getting funding from condom companies. I wonder if he knows about the Pink Cross organization.  Oh, one last thing is it me or does Michael Weinstein bare a resemblance to Anita Bryant.