Thursday, October 18, 2012


Today I got a call from a friend I had not heard from in some time. He told me he came out of the closet. I never knew! He always surrounded himself with girls. He said he had those girls around to hide it, so everyone wouldn't find out he was gay. He also used drugs and alcohol to deal with it. He is clean and sober now. I am super proud of him!

This call was very shocking to me. Here was a guy that was always around girls.  He talked like he was getting laid whenever he wanted to. I do remember some of the girls he “dated” telling me he stopped seeing them when they felt things were going great. Overnight he went from loving them to disappearing on them. Now I look back and understand he was getting too close to them and his secret would come out.

I was like that when I was younger. I didn't want guys to get too close to me either or they would find out the real me. I thought I was a terrible person. This thought process came from low self-esteem and bad parenting. I didn't have my own identity, so I created lies to make myself look good. To be someone I thought I needed to be for everyone else to like and accept me. That is all behind me now, I have great self-esteem and I know who I am.  

Back to my friend, he has spent a good portion of his time on earth living a lie. As time made it harder to deal with it he turned to drugs and alcohol. He told me he could only have sex with a woman if he was high or drunk. That was scary to me since I had been with a couple guys that were the same way.

He was honest enough to tell me he has been with transsexuals a few times. He spent large amounts of money and time on gay webcamming sites.  He even got married some years back and had a child. That ended for the same reason all his other relationships did, fear of being found out.

After his divorce he started to get deep into drugs and alcohol and got a few DUI’s. In fact he could have been sent to jail for one of them. He tried a few times to stop drinking and doing drugs, but he couldn't face himself sober.

What stopped him from living such a painful life was a woman. He didn't have any sexual relationship with her. She just happens to be someone that saw through him and accepted him for who he was. Funny, that a woman saved his life.

It amazes me that someone would get to the point of almost spending time in prison just so no one would find out they were gay. In the case of my friend, no one would have cared. He would have lived a much happier life and lose so many good friends that cared about him, because of his lies.

Makes me wonder how many people came into my life that hurt me because they were hiding lies. Oh, and the people I hurt by trying to hide my lies.  For my friend and me life is so much better living it without lies.

Not everyone is going to like you. I know for a fact when you lie you bring lying people around you. Be honest, honest people around you. Be proud and accept who and what you are. If you don’t the only life you are ruining is your own. 

Friday, October 12, 2012

You may want to know who I am.

Rebecca Bardoux is a 20-year veteran of the adult film industry. She first stepped in front of the cameras in 1992, during the last of the ‘golden years’ of porn, and has appeared in 200 adult feature movies. Considered a legend by her peers and fans, she was inducted in to the AVN Hall of Fame in 2007. 

During her career, Rebecca has worked with the top directors and studios of the adult industry. She has been nominated repeatedly for her work, and has held prominent roles in many award-winning movies.
Just three months into her career, Rebecca was requested to shoot for the Italian Adult Cinema in Sicily, and shot two award-winning movies for that industry. Rebecca also co-starred in the AVN Best Film for 1992 “Face Dance”, directed by one of the pioneers of the industry, John Stagliano. She later went on to be nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Film for her performance in 2003‘s “Heartbreaker” for Vivid Entertainment, directed by the multiple award-winning director, Paul Thomas.

Miss Bardoux also made a strong name for herself in the feature dance circuit during the mid to late ‘90s. She was considered to be one of the top feature performers, and performed to packed gentlemen’s clubs throughout the world. 

After a four-year hiatus from the industry to focus on a relationship, and to live and work in the ‘civilian’ world, Bardoux realized that erotic entertainment was her only love. Rebecca made her comeback in 2009 in a scene directed by and opposite Mo for Madness Pictures, distributed through Adam and Eve. Rebecca also shot a comeback scene for Naughty America, and she is honored with being one of the original MILFs in adults’ very popular genre.

Currently, Rebecca hosts a radio show every Friday night from 7pm to 9 pm EST on XXX Pornstar Radio, broadcast through She also pens a spontaneous blog:, and is a regular columnist on Bardoux is a strong advocate for the adult industry and just finished shooting a public service announcement in support of No on Measure B, the industry-killing ballot initiative in Los Angeles County.

Rebecca is currently working on her biography. She will be appearing in the mainstream play ”Deep Throat the Sex Scandal” opening January 17, 2013 in Los Angles, CA.
You can stay in touch with Rebecca by following her on twitter and subscribing to her page on Facebook at

Sunday, October 7, 2012


To Say or Not To Say?
That is the Question!

There is not a day that goes by I  don’t read a tweet on Twitter or posting on Facebook that somebody is saying somebody did them wrong.  They talk about what a terrible person that person is.

So, why is it the scorned person never mentions the bad person’s name. (If someone you know beat you up or stole from you, wouldn't you tell the police their name.) Yet in this instant they tell everyone what a bad person he or she is. They beat you, took money from you or used you. Others say this person ripped them off business wise, and no one should deal with them. Not saying their name.

Well, if they are that bad how am I going to protect myself from them if I don’t know who they are? First off maybe I know this person and will go to them directly and find out what’s going on. If I don’t know them and meet them I will be much more caution now. I now have information about their character, whether it’s true or not. Not to say I will not do business with them, but I will proceed with caution.

I think it was a few years back; there was a website that went up where woman could name men that had done them wrong. If the man was married or he financially took advantage of them. I guess that site is just a list of all the sociopaths woman come across. It didn't work because some women have their own issues. They were racking a guy over the coals that had done nothing to them. They just ended the relationship.

In an industry like adult, there are people that are here for themselves. Let’s face it we are a taboo industry and attract the dark light. I think in some cases it’s the last place a lot of people can go.  They have burned every bridge everywhere else in their lives. As Amber Lynn said, “We are all just a box of broken toys”

The adult industry does not do a background check on you before you can be hired to work in it.  There are people with a shady past that come in this business.
Some of them succeed, maybe because they have finally found the place they belong. 
I myself struggled with jobs and life in general before getting into this industry. When I started working in adult entertainment I realized this is what I was meant to do.  I don’t have a shady past. The worst thing I ever did in my eyes was steal marijuana from my ex-boyfriend’s house for my new boyfriend.  Before I got in to porn.  

How do we deal with this? Bad personal relationships happen; somebody is bound to get hurt when another person doesn't want them around anymore. So, unless this person stole money from you, beat you badly or stole your identity, crack it up to love gone bad.

What about the business end of it? I run my own business, the business of me. I deal with a lot of different people coming to me with deals and I also go to other people.   I want to believe when it comes to business everyone will be upfront and honest. As we all know that is not the case.

To drag my ego into this for a minute, it amazes me that people in this industry would try to rip me off. I have 20 years in this business and know just about everyone that is anyone in this business. You can say I am part of the foundation of this industry, along with many other people that worked hard for many years to build this industry.

 If I was a newbie coming in I would be smart enough not to screw over a veteran.  If anything I would grab on to them and never let go. I know a few people that are very successful in this industry because they did just that. Now they are one of the people the newbies grab onto.  See how that works!

I think you are getting my point. When is it OK to out someone that did you wrong? Someone that affected your money, your life. Taking the high road can’t always be the way. You keep carrying that injustice that was done to you, it has to affect you on some level. 

Isn't it just better to put it out there in the public and let the other person stand up for themselves?  Hey, if someone was saying stuff about me I would much rather have the opportunity to stand up for myself, then have people not sure of what to think of me.

You can’t come out and bash the person, but you can tell your side of the story, and hope that person comes out and tells theirs.  They may just change their ways, knowing that if they continue to do this people are going to say something.

So, when you tell your side of the story what does that make you? Will people say good for you, standing up for yourself or that you are bitter and who cares.  I guess it’s the way you do it that will determine how people feel about you?  I guess there’s only one way to find out, just do it?