Twenty years in the sex biz, millions of eyes watching me fuck; I am getting them off or turning them on. I knew nothing about men, but what my mother told me. “Marry for money, not for love.” I didn’t marry for money; I made my own making love to the camera. I never dated during my hot and heavy days in the industry, to busy being Rebecca Bardoux.The guys that ask me out now come from a charmed life, nice upbringing, they are confident. They get what they want. They know who I am. They’re hot, that is one thing that may surprise you. They treat me very well, for what it is.
They all have one thing in common; they all hide me. I am the naughty part of their life, the dark side. A life they created for the uncontrollable sexual side that is a part of them. They love spending time in that world, but that isn’t their life. So, they come in and leave when it gets to be too much. It’s hard living a double life; if you don’t pay attention you can lose your mind.
I have to hand it to these men, they are focused; they can separate the real world from their fantasy life. Their real life always wins, no matter how attached they have become. I am not allowed in their real world and they make that very clear, without saying a word. And oh my god when they are in my world the way they talk, the way they touch and the things they promises. If you believe it, you lose.I walk away still believing (after all these years) every word they say, because someday it’s going to be true?